These are the things that take over my life. I adore being a mother. I love my 4 cats. I also love my job at the jail. For 5 whole days out of my week I am fortunate enough to be home with my daughter and my cat children. This is my happy place, most of the time.
Some days aren’t that easy, whether it’s my job or being a mom. I have days where I question if I should just work in a bakery. I don’t think that people will get stressed out over baked goods. I mean they are delicious. I wonder what it would be like to work at a place where I don’t get threats of people wanting to burn my hair?
Today, my heart is heavy. One of the inmates I work with was sentenced to life without parole. Working with criminals, I don’t always see them as such. For most of the people I work with, there is a reason they do the bad things they do. Doing something bad doesn’t necessarily make a person bad.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m never condoning illegal behaviors. Since I’ve worked there I have seen so many points of view. It hurts my heart that you work with people who have remorse and aren’t given a second chance. Or sometimes not given a 500th chance.
My job requires me to look for the best in people. There are honestly some people I work with where I can’t find any redeeming qualities. For the most part, I ache for the people who weren’t given the same opportunities I had in my life. It doesn’t seem fair that there are people who have horrible childhoods and then do really bad things. I wish there was more of a middle ground between a slap on the wrist and locking someone up and throwing away the key.
It’s such a waste for me to know that this person will spend the rest of his life behind bars. I truly do not think he will become a better person because of this. He won’t ever see his family without being supervised. He won’t ever be able to get married and have children. How sad. It’s hard for me not to feel guilty for the wonderful things I am fortunate enough to have. I know I can’t be stuck there. I’ve made choices in my life to get where I am.
I hope I always remember to keep this person in my prayers. I do hope for the best for him, even in this heartbreaking situation. I also hope that I remember to not take the silly, mundane things for granted. Like when my toddler is throwing her dinner at me. Some people aren’t lucky enough to even be around their children, or have enough food to throw. Man, this turned super depressing.
Sometimes I think it’s good to remember that the world isn’t perfect. I need to learn to not get so depressed with the negative, instead really value all the positives in my life. Reality can be too real at times. It would be really great to have the fairy tales though. Forever chasing the balance in life.