Well, it’s the night before my breast reduction. It’s a mix between a child-like excitement for Christmas, and crippling fear. The fear is because I will be under general anesthesia. I’m also afraid that my boobs will turn out horribly and look like a train wreck.
I have bought some clothing for when I am a smaller size and have saved several shirts I have saved for the one amazing day that my boobs will be smaller. As silly as it sounds, I don’t want them to turn out to be too small.
What silly problems. If my most significant concern at the moment is the size of my breasts, I think I’m doing okay. I am very fortunate to be able to have this done. I don’t take this for granted. I know many women, even some of my friends would kill to have my size boobs. The grass is always greener. I wonder why that really is. Each side of the coin has its pros and cons.
I do believe that my self-esteem and quality of life will improve. My back aches most of the time. I can’t wear a lot of the clothes that I like without feeling like I’m being very provocative. I just want to feel good in my skin.
One of my other concerns is that I can’t go to work this week. While my job can be difficult, I love it. I like the structure of my routine. I have attachments to some of the inmates who have been there for as long as I have worked there. I’m excited to return and be less concerned with how I dress so it won’t seem inappropriate. This issue has never come up, but I get worried that if I wear even the tiniest V-neck there will be cleavage and I will look unprofessional.
My thoughts feel dumb to me tonight. It’s basically my stupid insecurities running through my brain because I’m nervous about the surgery. I’m sure I’ll be just fine. I’ll be awake and on the road to recovery before I know it. I have a couple of friends who have had the same surgery, from what I hear a lot of women who have this procedure are very happy with the outcome. Hopefully, I will be part of that group who is thrilled with my new boobs!