Tomorrow is the Big Day…..I Hope!

I get an x-ray of my cath to determine if the lining in my bladder has healed enough to see if we can remove this horrid thing. My Dr. told me the was a very little chance that the cath would remain. This doesn’t give me a ton of confidence, because he told me that the risk of a complication with the cystoscopy was pretty small as well.

If this thing doesn’t come out tomorrow, I’m going to cry for sure. Then I will probably rip it out myself. I know it’s not advised, but come on; everything takes me significantly longer to get accomplished. Regardless how much proof I see that I am in fact urinating; I have yet to feel relief. For a week straight, I have felt like I have had to pee right this second, every moment of the day.

After surgeries, or illnesses I tend to rush the healing process and rarely miss work. I took this week off without hesitation. I didn’t even feel guilt about taking the time off, as is typical for me. I hate being so negative, but I am so miserable. I wanted to go to the store with my mom today to buy a gift for a baby shower. After taking way too long to get ready, I was so exhausted that I couldn’t even go. I haven’t left my house since I returned home last Friday.

I think I need to invent a cath that isn’t the most uncomfortable  thing on earth. Every time I walk, I feel like it’s going to fall right out. The constant tugging is beyond obnoxious. My 21-month old doesn’t understand what’s happening and wants me to chase her around as I usually do. Thank the Lord that my husband and my mother have been so helpful. The one thing that makes it bearable is by holding my crotch. Obviously, this isn’t appropriate in public places. Ridiculous!

Making meals for my family is close to impossible. My cats and my daughter keep starting at the bag with confused interest. Luckily no one has tried to yank it from my body. This makes me feel so bad for anyone who have long-term catheterization, or even for one second. I don’t know how people get used to these. I haven’t. My body keeps trying to reject it by giving me painful spasms in my bladder.

Seriously, if the cath isn’t removed tomorrow I will strongly consider slapping the Dr. in the face with my full pee bag. Not even kidding, this is the worst!

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