The Mystery of the Missing Tampon

* Be Warned this is a relatively graphic post, proceed with caution *

Okay…so today started out very lovely. I was able to spend the day at a lake with my family and one of my dear friends for her birthday. It was relaxing and full of fun chit-chat. I got to meet her sister and cousin. It felt easy and comfortable. Ideal day, right?

Well, we were tubing and attempting to water ski behind the boat. I haven’t skied since I was maybe 12 I think. Even then, I wasn’t good. My husband is a good and patient instructor. I am competitive and impatient. We make a great team. I want to be amazing at everything immediately.

Since skiing is difficult and my legs are rude, I struggled getting up. I did get up a couple of times, success! Even if it was only for a second, it counts. It totally counts! Except each time I fell over it felt like I was having a colonoscopy or had a hose up my vagina. I even peed a little once we got off the boat. I’m pretty classy like that. Since my bladder surgery I have come to expect that I will pee at the most inappropriate times and won’t be able to control it.

Side note, my daughter tubed for the first time. We went at a snail’s pace, but she loved it. She’s just the sweetest!

Pardon the picture, the lighting wasn't been cooperative

Pardon the picture, the lighting wasn’t being cooperative

I also think that sometimes my husband is trying to kill me. He threw me off the tube pretty hard. Once again, I will probably have a post that makes no sense. I have a splitting headache. My husband is 100% responsible. Clearly, I take no blame even though I asked him to go faster.

Somehow during the chaos of the skiing, tubing, gabbing and eating yummy treats, it slipped my mind that I had a tampon in. I had an IUD placed a couple of months ago and have been on a light period for the past 2 months. I’m crabby and crampy. Since the period is almost constant I forget to wear one sometimes, or forget that I’m wearing one at all. I get home and tried to take my tampon out. I couldn’t find the string. Panic set in immediately.

I recently read an article where someone died from toxic shock syndrome. I’d been wearing the same one since early this morning. While trying to find the string I just pushed it further inside me. So many thoughts ran through my head. I worried that I would have to go to the hospital to have it removed. That would have been so embarrassing. Do I call an ambulance? Is this a crisis? I tried to push like you would when birthing a child. Not the same thing I found.

I went downstairs and told my husband that I had a problem. I told him that I couldn’t find my tampon and I didn’t know what to do. He made a rather unfunny comment about returning to the lake to get his fishing rod to search and rescue the tampon. I wasn’t amused.

Thank goodness he is so sweet. He went to the garage and grabbed what is quite possibly the largest flashlight I have ever seen. He looked pretty pleased with himself. Without going into too graphic of detail, he had the flashlight and got some tweezers and started to have himself a look. After some digging and weird comments; he found the string!!!! With his help we retrieved the missing tampon. For a minute I was pretty freaked out, as I wouldn’t have any idea what to do if I couldn’t get it out.

My husband, who hates blood, needles and anything medical, stated that he should have been a doctor. (Eye roll). Today was weird. Mostly relaxing and fun. My body is weird. I think I’ve realized that anything that is odd that can go wrong with my body does indeed happen. I shouldn’t even be surprised anymore. Obviously, no one wants to see gross pictures of tampons. So here is a picture of my cat wearing my daughter’s rash guard. He wanted to come swimming, but doesn’t like water so it was a bit of a predicament. Enjoy!

2 responses to “The Mystery of the Missing Tampon

  1. Believe it or not many women experience the same thing. Happened to me.

  2. This was the first time and I had no idea what to do! Not the best experience of my life!