Help Me Escape My Neck Brace Prison

In case you think I’m just trying to be humorous, I’m not. Get this death trap off of me and burn it to the ground. Tonight is going to be me complaining (shocker) about why I hate my neck brace so much. I have 2 actually. I have a soft collar, which looks like the people who are faking a neck injury from a day time court show. My other one has much more support, even a nice little resting place for my chin and there are a couple of openings so my skin can kind of breathe.

The soft collar is more comfortable, but not super supportive. The other one restricts my movements, like it should, but it is so uncomfortable and it makes me feel like I’m 90 for some reason.

The stupid neck braces prevent me from looking left or right; up and down. This is very dangerous  as I could be completely oblivious to a stalker chasing me. I could miss a parade going down the street, miss seeing on-coming traffic. I could miss that jackass bird that is trying to poop on my head. I know that neck support is essential, but someone should really come up with one that is both sturdy and comfortable.

The stupid neck braces are hot as hell! Of course it would be me having surgery in July. Both of them have my neck drenched in sweat and I overheat very easily. I feel like with all the walking I’ve been doing to try to lose the weight I gained from being unable to be active so much would help me with my weight loss journey. So far, I am seeing no benefits to the neck braces or walks. With my hot sweaty neck braces I can’t smell my neck. I know that isn’t a thing. But I’m pretty sure it smells like rotten feet. Or dirty refrigerator.

On the topic of smelling myself, I am unable to move my neck to gat a good whiff of my armpit. If you know me, you know I have to smell everything. I’m fairly obsessive with smelling my armpits, particularly the right one. That one is my anxiety armpit. I need to check it to make sure I don’t scare people away. Everyone tells me it doesn’t smell, but I know it’s a lie. I have no shame, I will smell these pits any time, anywhere. Sometimes you’ve just gotta know these things.

The next thing I hate the neck collars for is that I can’t lift anything over 10lbs. Do you know what weighs less than 10lbs? Nothing. Not a damn thing. I’ve already unintentionally lifted over the weight limit. How am I supposed to know what specific things weigh unless I put it on a scale. Then what? If it’s over I could destroy the neck. My head feels like a bowling ball being held up by a dandelion stem. I’m all nimbly bimbly.

And the last thing I want to address tonight, is that learning how to move your whole torso to look either direction is harder than one might think. I’m so used to using my head. Once there is an injury you realize how much we take each body part for granted. My neck used to be pretty cool and let me see far and wide. Now I’m like a horse with blinders on, except with even more limits because I can’t move my fricken neck.

I want to be comfortable. I just want to sleep. My scar is looking pretty cool though. I’ll show pics later. I’m too tired to add anything beautiful so this is all you get tonight. I promise you that I will recover like a badass and live an amazing life. I’m not going to let this injury or the debilitating depression beat me. I will most definitely have difficult times and complain, but my life will have a purpose. So if I can hang in there, so can all of you. It’s a bitch, it sucks, people suck, life sucks; but we can’t let that shit win. Let your inner fierceness thrive. XOXO

2 responses to “Help Me Escape My Neck Brace Prison

  1. It’ll be over soon.