Tag Archives: E. Coli

Neck Pains and Vagina Games

My surgery almost got postponed. Just a tad before 5pm this evening I got a call from the surgeon’s office telling me that insurance FINALLY approved my surgery. They are only approving a 23 hour stay in the hospital. Laughable. At this point I don’t care. I’m having the surgery. I will be on the road to recovery in a little less than 36 hours. I would have been so livid if it had to be rescheduled. Nothing like waiting until the last second and making me so nervous I almost threw up.

It’s so hard to fake it. I hate the “fake it ’til you make it” saying. One, because it isn’t genuine. Two, that takes a lot of energy. And three, I don’t think I’m that convincing that I’m fine when I’m really not. Chronic pain and mental illness are so misunderstood. It isn’t easy to pretend you’re fine when your head and body are at constant war.

Photo Credit: www.boredpanda.com
Artist: Al Margen

People really struggle with understanding others if they can’t see something obviously wrong with them. It’s like no one actually believes that you are suffering if you don’t have the blood shed to prove it. Once I have the surgery, I’ll have all sorts of people sending me well wishes and prayers. I absolutely appreciate it, but I wish it could be acknowledged that the struggle is real right now.

I keep snapping at my daughter. Pain makes a person so grumpy. I have no patience for her and it makes me feel like a shit mom. I also feel like the most non-fun parent in the world. She has a great dad who spends quality time with her and they have a lot of fun. They do a lot of active and adventurous things. He’s exciting. I’m grateful he is like that, but it’s hard not to compare yourself to that. He is the literal Disney dad (he’s taken her to Disney World twice, one time with me but that’s not the point). I’m boring and tired and in pain. I could happily (well depressedly) stay in bed all day and lay around with her. Apparently, that isn’t much fun for an almost 4-year-old.

When I was watching videos online of the surgery I’ll be having, I found that the inside of your neck looks like BBQ ribs. I can’t get that thought out of my head. So I asked my Dr. at my pre-op if he eats ribs. This is after I asked the essential before surgery questions of course. He kind of looked at me like I was a weirdo. I am. I told him that the inside of the neck reminds me of ribs and I was curious if he ate them after seeing so many gross things during surgery. He responded; “yes. I’m an omnivore.” That was a disappointing response. I did get a hint of a smirk, but that’s about it.

Photo Credit: The Metapicture

My bladder is still trying to calm down. I think I’m finally starting to feel better. I’m not sure, I can’t ever tell. Sometimes I think I’m all better, then I’ll be living on the toilet for the next 2 days desperately trying to pee. I was hoping after the whole bladder debacle I would actually be fine in that area.

I have another story related to this. Last week I was feeling like I had another UTI. So I took some antibiotics and AZO to calm it down. I was on it for several days and it wasn’t getting any better. I thought something else might be wrong. I was at my parents’ house and decided to take a gander at the ‘ol vag. It’s not a pretty picture down there. Might help if I knew my what’s going on down there, but hey web MD told me all I needed to know.

I decided from my vaginal detective skills that I had a genital wart and HPV. I called my ex and accused him of giving it to me. I asked him if he knew that he had an STD before he infected me. He denied, denied, denied. I took pictures of my nether region so that I could inspectigate more closely. I looked for similar pictures on google.

When I found what diseases I probably had, I showed my mom the pictures (of MY vagina, not the pics on the web). Don’t worry it was zoomed in super close. She said it looked normal, but that there was maybe a little sore or something, confirming that I did indeed have an STD. I got an appointment with my gyno the next day.

I go in and tell them that I believe I have an STD, HPV to be specific, as well as, a genital wart. I then told her that I am concerned my vagina smells and that my labia is too large. I asked if she could check it all out while she was down there. With the bladder issues and past trauma they had to use the pediatric speculum, by the way. That still hurt me.

This woman got in real close and searched the whole situation. She inspected all the caves and caverns. I was very chatty. She was super supportive and reassuring. I told her that I took pictures and asked if she wanted to look at them to see what I was talking about. She told me she was good, as she was looking at my actual vagina. Fair point.

I got an anatomy lesson that day. I do NOT have genital warts. I do have some extra tissue. I do NOT have HPV. My labia is normal, she would not classify it in the large category. My vagina doesn’t smell bad, and I believe her because she was right up in there for a good amount of time. No mask.

All the tests they ran for STD’s came back negative. The only thing that showed up was my E. Coli infection. My pee did smell bad. It was that and not my vagina. The pee most definitely did smell like a barnyard. I’m not kidding. It was potent.

I had to call my ex and embarrassingly admit that he “most likely” did not give me a STD. Then fully admit that I was wrong and jumped the gun. I learned that my vagina is normal. I probably shouldn’t search down there too often as I might scare myself again.

All in all the gyno trip was very informative and eased my anxiety. While I thankfully don’t have any STD’s, I have to admit that I just might be a hypochondriac. Thanks a lot web MD for the stressful information. Who would have thought that you shouldn’t get medical advice from the interwebs? Shocking!

I Have Returned!

After taking an 18 month hiatus, I have decided to start writing again. SOOO much has happened. It is going to take me a while to update on everything. I’m also going to revamp my blog…once I remember how to use it. This is so embarrassing.


First Dance Recital June 2017. She actually danced!

Where to start? Well, I am getting a divorce. We have been separated for over a year. He is an amazing father to our daughter and I honestly don’t have anything negative to say about him. I am lucky to be able to co-parent with him. He is also a dear friend of mine. I know that sounds super cliché and gross, but it’s true. Seeing some of my friends go through some ugly divorces, makes me appreciate how well he and I get along.

I am STILL dealing with some stupid bladder issues. I’m currently on a prescription due to my latest infection. E. Coli. I wish I understood how I keep getting the E. Coli, as I am still a vegetarian. I did find an amazing pelvic pain doctor early last year. I was on medication that made my pee blue! It was beautiful. I had vaginal suppositories. I also was going to vagina PT for several months. I was doing relatively well in the pee area for quite some time. Then my bladder decided to be a little bitch. She and I can’t seem to figure out our relationship. Way more info on that later. I know you all have been dying for an update.


Love this sweet face. She isn’t 4 yet, but look how big she’s getting

So, I’m going to start documenting my recovery process for my latest ordeal. On Wed. July 5th, I will be having surgery on my neck. AHHH! I was in a car accident in Sept. 2016, and I’ve been dealing with concussion and neck issues ever since. I have been in PT since October, 1-2 times a week. I was doing neuro-feedback treatments up to 4 times a week, initially. I was averaging 5-6 appointments every week. I had neurology appointments, eye doctors, and changes to my anti-depressants. It has been exhausting.

I wasn’t getting better with all the hoopla I was doing to recover. So I went to a spine Dr. I got an MRI. Herniated disc in my C5-C6. It is pinching a nerve. Can I just tell you how absolutely painful this has been? If anyone has been in a similar situation I feel ya. I wouldn’t wish any of my issues on my worst enemies.

From there I had 3 injections in my neck to treat the pain. I got literally, hours of relief. Hours. So the 2 different Dr.’s who did the injections said I need surgery. The spinal surgeon, said I need surgery. He is a VERY conservative Dr. so for him saying I need surgery, means I actually need it and he isn’t just trying to get money.

I finally see an end in sight as I have 4 more sleeps until I can start to recover. The surgery is called; Anterior Cervical Discectomy and Fusion (ACDF) and I’m also having an Iliac Crest Bone Graft. They are taking bone from my hip and putting it in my neck, fusing my C5-C6 together. That’s a mouthful. If you are brave and type that into YouTube, there are some graphic videos for you to watch. (Disclaimer; if you are having surgery, don’t watch what they will be doing beforehand. It’s terrifying).


Love being her mommy

There is so much for me to talk about on this topic. I will try to write as much as I can before the surgery. Then I will document my recovery. Basically, I will be in a neck brace for 1 month. I can’t pick up more than 10 pounds for 2-3 months. This means I can’t pick up my daughter. This breaks my heart. I also can’t do dishes, mow the lawn, feed my cats, change cat litter. I want to say I’m sad about not being able to do chores. Let’s be real, that part is going to be great.

Oh I also, can’t drive for the first month either. It will be like I’m a teenager all over again, without my car. Being at everyone else’s mercy. I’m not looking forward to this part. I’m not looking forward to the recovery very much basically. I am thrilled to get back to my life, but I’m tired of waiting and want to be fixed right this second.

My blog is all about all the crap my body goes through. It’s laughable how crappy my body behaves. I keep trying to exchange it on Amazon, but all the good ones are backordered. HA! If that was a thing, I’m first in line. This is going to be a LOOONNNNGGGGG recovery. I’m going to be very grouchy. What’s new, right? I’m always moody now. With all this shit going on, my depression has gotten significantly worse.

The E. Coli is eating my brains, because I don’t think anything I’ve written will make sense. And no, I’m not editing it. Thanks for asking. I wanted to do a quick update and let everyone know I am returning to my blog. Right now, I’m sweating and feeling like I’m going to faint. Don’t worry, the surgeon knows about the gross infection I have, he’s the one that called in the script. So the 5th is the big day, unless my insurance can’t pull it together. They better because I can’t handle this misery any longer!!!!


Sporting some super cool stunna shades