I told you I’d update you about my follow up with the surgeon from the ACDF surgery. By the title of my post, guess how well that appointment went? I’ll give you a hint. Today can go fuck right on off.
I did NOT get cleared to drive.
I can NOT pick my daughter up.
I can NOT do anything with my daughter without having a baby sitter or have to burden a friend or family member.
I can NOT spend alone time with my kid.
I still am in the neck prison. Which can go fuck itself too.
I do NOT want to try to look at the positive.
I’m so mad. I’m so sad. I’m disappointed. I’m frustrated. I feel so alone. I feel stuck. I’m stressed about money, even more so now. My divorce will be finalized at the end of the month, while we have been separated for a while it hurts still. I can’t do anything remotely fun. I want to break shit. If I did that, then I couldn’t clean it up because I’m not supposed to bend. I barely eat, but I’m gaining weight.
The bad neck pain I’m still experiencing is my muscles, not the nerve. So I have to go to PT two times a week. The surgeon said the horrible neck pain I have is from the whiplash and surgery won’t fix that. The pain I have right now might be permanent he said. If that is the case my neck can go fuck itself too.
I feel like every day that I remain not being able to drive, not being able to pick up my daughter, every day in this neck prison I should get $1 million dollars for this hell. I know I’m having a pity party and dramatic. Today went in a totally different direction than I thought it would. I’m upset. All 4 of my cats are on the bed near me. I love them, and I’d never do this, but I kind of want to throw them too.
I still feel like breaking things, but the items might be against my weight restriction. Then I’d be even more stressed about money. I’m so frustrated. I want my life back. I want a life. I got offered a job; the same job twice, once before my surgery and the next time 5 days after my surgery. I emailed her last night, as I was under the impression that I would be cleared to drive to see if a position would still be available for me. I also applied for several other jobs, which now won’t be a thing because I still can’t drive.
I think the woman who hit me should be the one with the driving restrictions. She hit me and wasn’t paying attention, so she needs to suffer the consequences and pull it together. Too mad to edit. I’m going to take a nap because I’m just over it. Over today. Monday’s are always an asshole.