Tag Archives: pee problems

Thankful Thursdays #11

With all the awful IC flare ups, I am struggling to find things to be thankful for. I like to express what I am grateful for because I think it’s so important to realize that when we are in a negative head space that there are still some things that are a blessing. Even if you have to really, really, rrreaaalllllyyy dig deep to find that blessing.

(PC: The Meta Picture)

So I know the picture is more related to periods, but I feel like this is my life constantly. Except I don’t if it’s more my IC or Endo. I had a laparoscopic procedure in Oct. 2012 due to pelvic pain. That’s where they found several ovarian cysts, (one the size of my ovary) Endometriosis and an adhesion. The Endo was all over, including my bladder. So I’m thinking and hoping that the Endo is on my bladder instead of my symptoms just being from IC. Because if the constant pain is from Endo then I’m seriously just going to beg them to take it all. Remove all the crap that is making my life a living hell.

If it’s not, and the issue is the IC I will more than likely have a very large meltdown. Feeling like this is overwhelming and contributing to my depression getting worse. However, I am very open and honest with my husband and Doctor and I am managing the depression okay. Chronic pain, certain conditions/diseases just suck the life out of you. I am trying. I really am. It’s just hard.

So, back to the thankful part, I know there hasn’t been anything positive so far. I am thankful that we have amazing insurance! I’ve had good insurance, crap insurance and no insurance before. Since I’ve been married, our insurance has been incredible. It’s so appreciated. Especially with all my issues. I started a new medication yesterday, Uribel. It’s a 4 time a day pill. I’m not sure if it’s new or not, but I have tried every med for my IC with little to no relief. I’m hopeful this will be one that helps me feel better.

A major negative to this med is that it can cost an average of $300/month. That is ridiculous. At the same time, I would willingly go broke if it meant I got some relief. I would also cut of my arms at this point to get relief. I know that good insurance is hard to find, but we have a great plan, which allows me the opportunity to explore the numerous medication and treatment options to get me feeling like a normal human again.

Oh, and I fun little perk of the medication is that it turns my pee blue. Not Windex blue, more of a happy, cloudless day blue. So when I do pee it is a fun little surprise since I’ve never had blue pee before. Pretty thrilling for the moment.

Pee Pals

Well, I am gracing you all with yet another post about my bladder issues. I came into our guest bath early this morning so I wouldn’t wake my husband or my child. At first I took a bath. Usually this helps to somewhat ease my irritated bladder. No relief this morning.

Now, I am still on the toilet. Aren’t I just glamorous and sexy? My husband sure won a prize with me. Not even joking, I have been sitting here for 2 1/2 hours waiting for pee to fall out of me. I’m also waiting for my Vesicare and AZO to do their job. The reason I’m not in bed is that while nothing is coming out, I am in desperate need to pee. It feels like there is a fire poker up my urethra. Being in bed doesn’t help. I can’t sleep because of the burning and urgency feeling.

I did get some buddies to hang out with me. I’m talking of my glorious cat children of course. They snuggled up in the closet letting me know I’m not alone.

These are some good guys. Toggle and Maddie. I got lots of cat snuggles. Then they got into a scuffle and left me alone, with my crappy bladder and my cynical mindset. Feb. 4 please hurry up! That’s when I’m seeing the specialist. I have an appointment with my PCP for this Wed. Afternoon. I honestly don’t know what they could possibly give me or do to me that would help. I already explored so many different options and treatments with minimal improvements.

(PC: The Meta Picture)

I know the picture about is about period pain, but this is close to how I feel with my IC and Endometriosis. Constantly. Having a chainsaw cut through me might be a welcomed guest to my lady parts instead of the constant pain and irritation. I don’t think I remember what normal feels like.

I think I’m going to invest in a padded toilet seat. I know those are usually for the elderly. But I sure don’t feel like I’m 32. Plus, I’m always on the toilet it seems so I might as well be comfy. I feel so bad for my daughter. I’m not a fun mom. I’m a tired mom. I’m a cranky mom. And I’m a mom with little motivation to get out of bed and keep her entertained and have a wonderful childhood. That might be almost worse than the pain. The sadness I feel that my daughter might one day resent me because I was too tired, too sick, too whatever to give her the childhood she deserves.

She did take a bath next to me while I was just sitting here and we chatted once she woke up. So there is that. Quality bathroom time I guess. Mother of the Year award clearly!

At least the cats find me somewhat entertaining.

Toggle on my lap.He is willingly lounging on my leg. Proof that he does love me! Well, it’s back to reading. The one positive about this whole IC, Endo torture is that I’m getting a lot of reading in, which I love. See my cynical perspective isn’t completely missing. At least not yet.

Continued Pee Problems

My husband apparently feels so bad about my pee problems that he is now suffering from kidney stones. We are quite the duo. Poor guy has been struggling with significant pain for a little over 2 weeks. He’s been to doctor countless times and even the ER and he keeps getting the same answer that it will pass soon. He is on a lot of pain meds. Poor guy, he looks miserable. Hopefully it will pass soon. I guess it hurts when it’s traveling to the bladder, then he is supposed to get a break until it travels to his urethra. From the urethra until it’s completely passed is said to be extremely painful. The good news is that once it has passed he is supposed to have instant relief and feel better.

My hubby hates needles. And I mean HATE. He is willing to go into the hospital again to have IV pain meds or even have surgery to get the stone out. He is so miserable and it’s pretty sad to watch. He has also been so sweet because he told me he gets my bladder pain. Oh and he gets to pee into a strainer to keep the stone so the doctors can determine what type of stone it is. I didn’t know that was a thing or that there was more than 1 type of kidney stones.

And of course I am still in an IC (interstitial cystitis) flare up. The same one that has been going on for what, the past 6 weeks? This is hell on earth. I think that I would take getting repeatedly punched in the face by a large man than deal with this crap anymore. I started to keep a log of how many times I peeing a day. The average day is in the 40s. That is excessive. Especially, since I have to concentrate to pee. I can’t talk, be on my iPad or phone. I can’t pet the cats. It is serious business where I have to will my bladder to cooperate.

Staying in bed seems to be the only real thing that helps ease the symptoms, as well as hold my crotch. Neither of these options get me very far in my life. Any time I get up it feels like a heavy weight wants to fall out of me. It’s an instant need to urinate, but then it gets stage fright apparently and needs to be coaxed into leaving my body.

Then after I think I got everything out, I have to pee again. I can’t remember the last time that I didn’t feel the need to pee. It makes me sad because my daughter now goes around the house holding her vagina and says “ouch” or “it hurts.” Nothing appears to be wrong with her so I think she’s learning that behavior from me.

I hope this issue gets resolved soon. I would hate to constantly need to take it easy and then my daughter resents me one day for not being a fun or present parent. Stress adds to the flare ups. It also seems like if the wind blows the wrong direction I feel like I have a raging UTI. I don’t look forward to traveling because I usually get an IC flare up whenever I’m on a plane. I get a flair up if anything is too stressful. Ha! Life is stressful. Raising my toddler is stressful. Um..working at a jail is stressful. But I can’t and don’t want to quit my job. I definitely can’t quit being a mother. How am I supposed to avoid stress in my life, when stress is a part of life?

We went snowmobiling on New Years Eve. We had to cut the day a bit short. Going over the bumps did a number on my bladder. I also peed myself numerous times throughout the day. Don’t you just love the feeling of having no control over your bladder and peeing on yourself? I love it. It’s so fun….that’s another issue. I can’t engage in activities I enjoy without either getting a flare up or can’t find anywhere to pee. This really prevents me from even wanting to socialize. I think the mess that is my bladder and girl parts make it very easy for me to stay in my house and live in my bed. I try to get out, but as of late, I have to pee every few minutes that it’s not worth it to get out of the house.

One day there will be a cure for this horrid disease. I hope. I insist! This whole condition can make a person feel completely isolated and lonely. I don’t want to complain about it. I also want to get my frustrations out. Some good news is that I’m seeing a uro-gyno who specializes in pelvic pain. But my appointment isn’t until Feb. 4. But the Dr. is a female. And she specializes in IC and Endometriosis. And I have recently found out that you can get Botox to help paralyze some of the spasms that make the condition so miserable. I’m going to inquire about that. If I decide on the Botox I wonder if I could convince the Dr. to just put a little extra into my face. I mean, she already has the stuff and if you’re putting it one place can’t you just put it anywhere? I’m going to ask her. Hopefully she will be awesome and say yes. A girl can dream. Guess what I have to do now? I have to pee….again. I’m having so much fun! I think I’m the one keeping Charmain and AZO in business since those are the 2 most common things I buy.

Can Someone PLEASE Get Me a New Bladder?

I really really hate IC (Interstitial Cystitis) if anyone reading this suffers from this, I am so SO sorry. Once again, I have been up for the majority of the night because I feel like I need to pee. I can’t.

My Dr. put me on a new med to try to alleviate the symptoms of IC on Wednesday. I don’t know if it is the change in medications or if I”m still in a flare up. Regardless, I am feeling pretty low both physically and emotionally.

I am calling into work sick….yet AGAIN! I love my job. I really do. It is stressful, frustrating, sad, intense; but I love the actual work I do and the mental health team I’m privileged to work with. So sorry lovely co-worker I am abandoning you again. I only work part-time. So including me, there are 3.5 mental health workers to tend to 500 inmates. This past year I have missed more work than I ever have in my life. And this is a job that I want to be at!

It’s too early to call any of my doctors. Believe me, the second they open I will be begging to be seen. I’ve been thinking a lot since I’m awake and miserable and I would seriously give up most things in my life to feel healthy or even less miserable. I was talking with my husband this weekend and we saw that the powerball is at $180 million. I was telling him that even if we won that money, it wouldn’t cure my IC, Endo or Depression. I told him that I would give that amount away if I did have it, just to get some relief. I don’t think that is in my near future.

I need sleep. I want to sleep. More than that, I really need to pee. Please come out. My bladder feels heavy, or something does. I feel like my insides are falling out. Literally. There is this pull and it makes me feel like I have to pee immediately, pretty much all the time.

I’ve been doing additional research on IC to see if there are any options that I haven’t tried that could possibly help me. During my research it looks like the average person pees about 7 times a day! Ha! On a good day I’m between 30-40 on my worst day it’s upwards of close to 100. I’m serious. How can anyone be productive when they go to the bathroom that often? It’s not a quick pee either. Especially if I’m having a flare up because I constantly feel like I have to go and only get a couple of drops out.

I don’t want to quit my job, but I’ve been tossing that around lately because it’s just not fair to my co-workers to miss this much work. I love seeing them, but I can’t function. Feeling guilty on top of that for missing work doesn’t serve me. It just adds more stress and guilt that I really don’t need or want to think about. Maybe there is something I can do from home for awhile until we get my symptoms under control. I really hate that. Just thinking about quitting my job is making me so sad. I don’t think that too many people find work they truly enjoy. The environment sucks sometimes, actually quite a bit. But like I said, the work I do is perfect for me. And I’m good at my job.

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep that is making my head so confused about what to do in the job department. I do know that I can’t function like this. My quality of life right now is extremely poor. I believe that I’m tough, currently I don’t feel tough. I’m scared that this will never get better. Honestly, I’m not super optimistic about it improving. All I want to do is pee. Since that isn’t happening, I want to hold my vagina so it feels like I’m getting some comfort. However, holding your vagina isn’t very public friendly. Absolutely inappropriate when working at a jail.

I wonder if cutting off the lower portion of my body would help? If they cut off everything vagina and below would I still feel these gross symptoms? Maybe that is worth checking out? Can you see how desperate I am? Also, possibly extremely tired is making me think irrational thoughts. The longer these symptoms last, the better the irrational thoughts are sounding.

I brought a pillow with me to the bathroom so I could try and rest my head while I was trying to pee. Not comfortable folks. Then my kitty jumped up on the pillow and started purring. So sweet to comfort me. I read somewhere that a cats purr can help heal some medical issues as well as depression and anxiety. His purring did not cure or help my IC. I want a refund! Give me a cat that has magical purrs that can help me. Is there anyone or anything that can help? However IC came to exist pisses me off. If there is a vaccine for it, I need it. Maybe I should invent something to relieve the symptoms since there doesn’t seem to be anything useful.

More Pee Problems

It’s 2:30am and I haven’t gone to sleep yet. Why? Because my bladder hates me. For the past couple of weeks I have had a major Interstitial Cystitis (IC) flare up. To say I’m miserable is an understatement. It’s like having a raging UTI constantly, and antibiotics won’t make it go away.

I want to cry I’m so frustrated. I have cried a lot in the past few weeks. I went to my doctor yesterday and my case is a “complicated” one. Oh joy. Not only do I struggle with IC, but also Endometriosis. Yep. I am a lucky gal. It’s at the point where we need to determine which symptoms are from the IC and which are from Endometriosis.

I do all the things recommended to help with both lovely conditions. I’m on medication for both. The meds I have been taking for the IC just aren’t cutting it. I’m hesitant to look into other options, because in May the cystoscopy was supposed to help. That was a big fail. Instead my bladder ruptured. I’m not a huge fan of the urologist that did that procedure. I’m reluctant to see someone new because I’m worried they will want to do their own cystoscopy to have a look for themselves. That WILL NOT happen. No thank you. Keep your cameras out of my urethra please.

It’s hard to function sometimes when you have chronic pain. I have a high pain tolerance. When it’s chronic and frequent there are times it just pulls you down into a deep depression. Oh by the way, I have depression as well. Neat! This is fun, can you tell?

One of the things that gives me comfort with Endometriosis is that if it’s bad enough a hysterectomy is an option. I by no means want this, but there is a permanent option. I like options. Or it will get better once I hit menopause.

With IC, there isn’t a cure. You can take some meds that may or may not help, then having your bladder removed and having a permanent pee bag. So really there is the option of meds that kind of don’t do a thing. Why are bladders so essential? Crap! I would like to order a new one. Come on medical advancements!

They say there are some other things that could help to alleviate some of the IC symptoms such as; biofeedback, hypnosis, bladder training, talk therapy, physical therapy (this consists of a PT sticking their hand up your vagina and working your pelvic floor), I’ve tried all of these. Oh and acupuncture. I may be forgetting something. I’m extremely tired but can’t sleep because I feel like there is an elephant standing on my bladder and I have to pee. (I’m on the toilet as we speak). Yeah that’s gross. But it’s my life right now. I want to pee so badly. Nothing will come out. I want the relief.

Ugh! I am so frustrated. I feel like this is never going to get better. I don’t want to do this for the next 50 some years. I don’t wish this on anyone. I have some good days. I think I probably take the good ones for granted. Sometimes this is such a lonely condition to deal with. From the outside I look healthy, happy, normal. That’s the thing with a lot of people with mental health issues and a lot of medical conditions. We don’t offer our support and/or sympathy because someone doesn’t look sick. I think it’s hard for people to understand. I find this odd, since so many medical illnesses don’t make people look ill.

I would give up a lot of things and empty my bank account right this second if I could pee. I might even offer up my favorite cat, Toggle to the pee gods if they let me pee. I’ve been praying to God to let me pee. Seems like a silly prayer possibly. I don’t. This is one of my bad days. When it’s bad it’s REALLY bad, not just physically but emotionally. I am so sad and really irritable because I feel so crappy. Then it’s easier for me to snap and be snippy with my loved ones. That brings on the guilt. Oh the cycle.

I wish and pray for my own health and the health of others. I wish the IC, Endometriosis and Depression weren’t so isolating and lonely. I wish it wasn’t taboo to talk about real struggles. Life is great, but let’s be honest it is definitely less than great as well. We only seem to want to hear about the good, easy times with others. That’s just not life. It’s the good and the bad. Even if the bad makes people uncomfortable, it doesn’t make it any less real. Ignoring it just leaves it feeling that much more alone.

So along with a potty trained toddler for Christmas, I would like a new bladder. Top of the line quality bladder please. My lady bits to stop being angry, calm down and do your job without making me feel like I’m being stabbed constantly. Is that too much to ask? I think not. If it’s not under the tree, I will be checking my stocking……annnnddddd I’m spent. Hope everyone is getting some good sleep and have healthy bladders.