Tag Archives: pee problems

All I Want for Christmas is You……..to be Potty Trained

I have plenty of stuff. What I really want is for my daughter to be potty trained. She’s 2 1/4, people say I shouldn’t worry because she won’t be going to college in a diaper. I’m not convinced that these people are correct. I feel like it’s NEVER going to happen. Please oh please let it happen. And soon.

We started potty training about a year ago. She wasn’t quite 18 months. I thought potty training would be easy and that my kid would be so amazing and my parenting would be so amazing that she would be all done with diapers well before 2. As we are all learning, our kids have their own opinions and we aren’t really in charge.

We have a kids potty. We have a tiny toilet seat that can be put over the toilet to make it easier for her to learn. We have a potty book that has fun sounds and songs. It’s not happening. I don’t think it’s because my child can’t learn, I think she won’t. She knows when she has to go and sometimes tells us. When I ask her to use the potty she refuses. Or if she does want to use it, it’s not to actually go. She likes to flush it. She also likes to try and wipe when mommy and daddy are using the potty. Pretty invasive if you ask me.

(PC: The Meta Picture: if this doesn’t happen soon,

I will have a nervous breakdown)

I hate diapers. I’m over them. They are super expensive. Cloth grosses me out. Our little love is so funny when it comes to her choice of diapers. She likes the diapers that have Minnie Mouse on them or Doc McStuffins. If we run out of those it is an all out battle, complete with a terrible two style meltdown. Oh, did I mention that she can change her own diaper and uses the wipes correctly? Yeah…so if it’s just a potty we have her change them since she can. We hoped this would make her bored of changing her own diapers. It did not.

She wastes so many diapers. Even if there is nothing in it, when she toots she says; “it’s a poopie” and changes her diaper destroying the perfectly good one in the process. Or she will take off the diaper and refuse to put another one on. She did this over the weekend and peed on the stairs and on the 2nd floor. Then she had the nerve to ask “what happened?” What do you mean what happened? You peed on the floor. Because you refused to wear a diaper. And refused to go to the bathroom. And I had to clean it up. And you STILL didn’t put on a diaper or underwear. Good grief! This child will be the death of me!

(PC:The Berry; is it too early for bed?)

So yes, for Christmas I would greatly appreciate a completely potty trained toddler. I don’t know how to register for this. I’ve been good this year so maybe Santa has gotten this for me. And if he doesn’t we are now bribing our child to use the potty. A dime for a potty or a small treat, a quarter for a poopie or a couple of small treats and a quarter for each nap. This kid could make a killing by being potty trained and napping. She did take a nap today so she earned a quarter. Not a cent more…..maybe tomorrow she will need a lot of change.

September is Interstitial Cystitis Awareness Month

I just found out that it’s Interstitial Cystitis (IC) awareness month yesterday. We are rapidly approaching the end of the month, but I wanted to write about it. If you remember my posts from early May, I was having a cystoscopy and there was a complication where my bladder ruptured. I was in pain, pissed off and completely miserable.

I think in one of my posts I said that they ruled out IC. Since that time, I was officially diagnosed with IC. There is no cure for this disease, but there are some medications and treatments to help alleviate the symptoms. To read a better overview of the symptoms or more information about this disease please click here.

This condition is debilitating at times. I’ve missed more work this year than I ever had before. Basically the majority of the time I feel like I have a raging UTI (urinary tract infection). If you’ve ever had one, you know how awful they are. I feel like I have an infection whenever I get stressed (I work at a jail and have a toddler, so I’m stressed a lot), have sex, travel, eat the wrong thing, breath the wrong way apparently. It makes my life kind of sucky sometimes.

(Photo Credit: The Berry)

I think it’s a hard condition to deal with since from an outside perspective I look normal and healthy. On an average day I pee 30-50 times. On my worst days, it’s more like 80-100. My best days it’s normally around 20. I like the days when it’s around 20. I pee my pants on the regular. My pee is everywhere. I don’t have control. It’s happened more than once that I’ve peed my pants at work. Makes me feel really special and sexy. I mean, how could it not?

My sleep is terrible. I have to drug myself to sleep at night. I can’t have the good stuff because if my child wakes up I need to be there. I take Benadryl every night. I just want to pass out and sleep the whole night through without having to get up to pee. I can’t remember the last time I sleep a whole night. For the first 4 hours before I finally fall asleep, I average getting up at least 7-10 times. It’s annoying. I also get resentful because my husband is fast asleep without a care in the world. Rude.

I hardly ever feel like I have relief  when I do pee. When I feel like there is an infection I want to hold my crotch and lay in bed all day. Can’t really do that in public, or with a small child. I feel that I have the right to complain about it. Sometimes, you just accept that this is part of my life. Other times I get very upset and feel like it’s beyond unfair. I think my bladder has it’s own personality and is plotting to kill me. We are not friends. If I could live without my bladder and didn’t have a pee bag I would do it. Some days I think having a pee bag would be better than feeling this way all the time.

I also have Endometriosis. Yep, I hit the jackpot with my lady bits. I know many people have worse things going on in their lives. This is my reality and it sucks. I hate it. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Maybe on my worst enemy, but that’s just mean. Chronic pain sucks. It’s a lonely journey because like I said, from the outside I look normal and healthy. Since this disease is mainly diagnosed in women, I think it’s extremely difficult for men to understand. My husband has been a champ and supports me.

At times people tell me to smile and be happy that “things aren’t worse.” That is completely invalidating. And ignorant. And just stupid. To you, I say “eff off.” All I can say right now is that science better hurry up and make me a bionic bladder so I can live my life in peace. Please. Pretty pretty pretty please.

(PC: the berry)

Toddler Troubles Trump Mama Struggles

The past several weeks have been quite eventful for our little family. With my unexpected surgery and our basement flooding, we were kind of hoping things would start to calm down. Things didn’t turn out quite that way.

I ended up in the ER on Sunday for a UTI from the catheter. Yay, that’s totally what I needed. Nothing like peeing 70 times in a day with no relief to make you feel just great… I got antibiotics so that was good. We also got some of the extra stuff we’ve had in the basement sent off to be donated. De-cluttering was greatly needed. I got to sit and tell my husband what stayed and what could be donated, he did the heavy lifting.

The basement still smells like cat pee, which is also terrific. My husband bought our house 7 or 8 years ago and it was a foreclosure. Apparently, the previous owners had cats in the basement that peed everywhere and painted over the cement. Basement flooding = the covered scent’s release to our basement and air vents. For a few days our entire house smelled like cat pee. I love all our cats, but cat pee is quite possibly the worst smell in the world!

Anyway, we put our daughter to bed around 7 and it wasn’t a struggle. We thought this was good that we could finally relax. About 10 minutes later my daughter is crying. I thought she wanted another goodbye hug, she’s been very clingy lately. I go to her room and she is covered head to toe in vomit.

Yay! This is just what I wanted to deal with. I stripped her down, stripped the bed and plopped her in the bath. Not the last bath of the night. Poor girl caught some bug and was throwing up all night long. I don’t know how other moms handle vomit, but there were chunks in her hair. A lot of them. I put on gloves to scrub her down trying to keep my stomach calm.

She ended up puking on 2 sets of her sheets, 4 towels, 4 blankets, 3 pairs of PJ’s, several stuffed animals, and into my hands on at least 4 occasions. This was not a fun night.

What I realized was even though I am still healing and sick my brain seemed to tune that out while I was trying to take care of her. Mom mode took over and I did what had to be done, as I’m sure most moms do. While still unpleasant, my job and privilege is try to ease the suffering of my child. This is the first time she has thrown up all night. I’m grateful that even with my struggles I am able to care for my daughter and that I have such an amazing husband who is willing to help out and sleep with our daughter on the floor.

I attempted to return to work this week, 11 days after the bladder rupture. Too soon. Just too soon. So I get to tend to this tiny tot who now has a running nose and is pretty whiny. I am still recovering. I feel significantly better, could be due to my mother forcing healthy food down my throat. I will try to return to work next week. All these issues will soon be forgotten and I’ll forget how hard it all can be sometimes….until the next time disaster strikes.

The Cath is GONE!!!

After a pretty confusing day, the catheter was removed. The removal was not as painful as I was expecting. Despite, desperately wanting to set the stupid thing on fire, I refrained. Something about burning plastic and rubber being bad for the environment, yadda, yadda, yadda (heavy sigh and eye roll).

I had an X-ray where they filled my cath with dye to see how my bladder is healing. More liquid being forced in an injured bladder is quite unpleasant. I think I would rather have my leg cut off than ever go through anything like that again. Anyway, the radiologist and x-ray technician were lovely. They explained everything to me, let me cry, gave me encouragement; all the things you’d hope when you are going through a traumatic medical ordeal.

After the x-rays were done, the radiologist said that my urologist would determine if my catheter could be removed. Then he told me based on his findings, he believed that I would need to have it in for several more weeks. Cue the dramatic sobbing and cussing. Based on what he found, there was still a tear in my bladder? I’m confused, because I thought during my procedure a tear was caused which is what I had surgery for? I’m lost. He also found reflux in my ureters. He told me this could be why I have so many UTI’s or the constant feelings of urinary infections. Okay, some answers here.

I grumbled my way into my urologist’s office. I asked him if I could have a copy of the radiology report. On the front page it reported I had a bladder rupture. All of this is so confusing. Which is it? A tear or a rupture? At this point does it really matter? Regardless, there is still a tear. The radiologist is concerned. The urologist isn’t. Who’s opinion do I listen to the most?

If it involves my catheter being removed, clearly the urologist wins. Basically anyone willing to take it out is my new best friend for life! I’m a little nervous, because the radiologist was worried that if it was removed too quickly I might end up needing another surgery if the tear doesn’t heal correctly. I’m definitely getting a second opinion.

The urologist told me that I will still be uncomfortable for several weeks and will need to vacate my bladder immediately when I feel the urge. He was insistent that I don’t try to hold anything in my bladder for any amount of time to prevent further damage. He is also confident that I will heal with no problems. He also didn’t think that I would end up needing surgery from a cystoscopy, but he’s bound to be right about something.

After a week of catheterization peeing in a toilet was heavenly! It sounds so ridiculous, but it has been amazing. Frequent, but lovely. I get horrible cramping at the beginning, then satisfaction. Next, I get some burning and the feeling that my bladder isn’t completely empty. But it’s progress! We are getting there! I am a normal person again.

In other news, my tiny human has been so snuggly because I have been practically bedridden for a week. She just wants to cuddle with me and give me kisses. Toddler smooches are the best medication. I’m so grateful that my mom lives close enough that she can take care of my daughter, my house and me. My husband can take time off work to take care of me as well. Other than the obvious pain of surgery; I’m so fortunate to have a loving mother, daughter and husband to make my recovery bearable. It makes the crappy moments worth fighting through. I might disagree and beg them to kill me, but I’m glad they never agree.

Tomorrow is the Big Day…..I Hope!

I get an x-ray of my cath to determine if the lining in my bladder has healed enough to see if we can remove this horrid thing. My Dr. told me the was a very little chance that the cath would remain. This doesn’t give me a ton of confidence, because he told me that the risk of a complication with the cystoscopy was pretty small as well.

If this thing doesn’t come out tomorrow, I’m going to cry for sure. Then I will probably rip it out myself. I know it’s not advised, but come on; everything takes me significantly longer to get accomplished. Regardless how much proof I see that I am in fact urinating; I have yet to feel relief. For a week straight, I have felt like I have had to pee right this second, every moment of the day.

After surgeries, or illnesses I tend to rush the healing process and rarely miss work. I took this week off without hesitation. I didn’t even feel guilt about taking the time off, as is typical for me. I hate being so negative, but I am so miserable. I wanted to go to the store with my mom today to buy a gift for a baby shower. After taking way too long to get ready, I was so exhausted that I couldn’t even go. I haven’t left my house since I returned home last Friday.

I think I need to invent a cath that isn’t the most uncomfortable  thing on earth. Every time I walk, I feel like it’s going to fall right out. The constant tugging is beyond obnoxious. My 21-month old doesn’t understand what’s happening and wants me to chase her around as I usually do. Thank the Lord that my husband and my mother have been so helpful. The one thing that makes it bearable is by holding my crotch. Obviously, this isn’t appropriate in public places. Ridiculous!

Making meals for my family is close to impossible. My cats and my daughter keep starting at the bag with confused interest. Luckily no one has tried to yank it from my body. This makes me feel so bad for anyone who have long-term catheterization, or even for one second. I don’t know how people get used to these. I haven’t. My body keeps trying to reject it by giving me painful spasms in my bladder.

Seriously, if the cath isn’t removed tomorrow I will strongly consider slapping the Dr. in the face with my full pee bag. Not even kidding, this is the worst!