Tag Archives: pee problems

Can Someone PLEASE Get Me a New Bladder?

I really really hate IC (Interstitial Cystitis) if anyone reading this suffers from this, I am so SO sorry. Once again, I have been up for the majority of the night because I feel like I need to pee. I can’t.

My Dr. put me on a new med to try to alleviate the symptoms of IC on Wednesday. I don’t know if it is the change in medications or if I”m still in a flare up. Regardless, I am feeling pretty low both physically and emotionally.

I am calling into work sick….yet AGAIN! I love my job. I really do. It is stressful, frustrating, sad, intense; but I love the actual work I do and the mental health team I’m privileged to work with. So sorry lovely co-worker I am abandoning you again. I only work part-time. So including me, there are 3.5 mental health workers to tend to 500 inmates. This past year I have missed more work than I ever have in my life. And this is a job that I want to be at!

It’s too early to call any of my doctors. Believe me, the second they open I will be begging to be seen. I’ve been thinking a lot since I’m awake and miserable and I would seriously give up most things in my life to feel healthy or even less miserable. I was talking with my husband this weekend and we saw that the powerball is at $180 million. I was telling him that even if we won that money, it wouldn’t cure my IC, Endo or Depression. I told him that I would give that amount away if I did have it, just to get some relief. I don’t think that is in my near future.

I need sleep. I want to sleep. More than that, I really need to pee. Please come out. My bladder feels heavy, or something does. I feel like my insides are falling out. Literally. There is this pull and it makes me feel like I have to pee immediately, pretty much all the time.

I’ve been doing additional research on IC to see if there are any options that I haven’t tried that could possibly help me. During my research it looks like the average person pees about 7 times a day! Ha! On a good day I’m between 30-40 on my worst day it’s upwards of close to 100. I’m serious. How can anyone be productive when they go to the bathroom that often? It’s not a quick pee either. Especially if I’m having a flare up because I constantly feel like I have to go and only get a couple of drops out.

I don’t want to quit my job, but I’ve been tossing that around lately because it’s just not fair to my co-workers to miss this much work. I love seeing them, but I can’t function. Feeling guilty on top of that for missing work doesn’t serve me. It just adds more stress and guilt that I really don’t need or want to think about. Maybe there is something I can do from home for awhile until we get my symptoms under control. I really hate that. Just thinking about quitting my job is making me so sad. I don’t think that too many people find work they truly enjoy. The environment sucks sometimes, actually quite a bit. But like I said, the work I do is perfect for me. And I’m good at my job.

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep that is making my head so confused about what to do in the job department. I do know that I can’t function like this. My quality of life right now is extremely poor. I believe that I’m tough, currently I don’t feel tough. I’m scared that this will never get better. Honestly, I’m not super optimistic about it improving. All I want to do is pee. Since that isn’t happening, I want to hold my vagina so it feels like I’m getting some comfort. However, holding your vagina isn’t very public friendly. Absolutely inappropriate when working at a jail.

I wonder if cutting off the lower portion of my body would help? If they cut off everything vagina and below would I still feel these gross symptoms? Maybe that is worth checking out? Can you see how desperate I am? Also, possibly extremely tired is making me think irrational thoughts. The longer these symptoms last, the better the irrational thoughts are sounding.

I brought a pillow with me to the bathroom so I could try and rest my head while I was trying to pee. Not comfortable folks. Then my kitty jumped up on the pillow and started purring. So sweet to comfort me. I read somewhere that a cats purr can help heal some medical issues as well as depression and anxiety. His purring did not cure or help my IC. I want a refund! Give me a cat that has magical purrs that can help me. Is there anyone or anything that can help? However IC came to exist pisses me off. If there is a vaccine for it, I need it. Maybe I should invent something to relieve the symptoms since there doesn’t seem to be anything useful.

More Pee Problems

It’s 2:30am and I haven’t gone to sleep yet. Why? Because my bladder hates me. For the past couple of weeks I have had a major Interstitial Cystitis (IC) flare up. To say I’m miserable is an understatement. It’s like having a raging UTI constantly, and antibiotics won’t make it go away.

I want to cry I’m so frustrated. I have cried a lot in the past few weeks. I went to my doctor yesterday and my case is a “complicated” one. Oh joy. Not only do I struggle with IC, but also Endometriosis. Yep. I am a lucky gal. It’s at the point where we need to determine which symptoms are from the IC and which are from Endometriosis.

I do all the things recommended to help with both lovely conditions. I’m on medication for both. The meds I have been taking for the IC just aren’t cutting it. I’m hesitant to look into other options, because in May the cystoscopy was supposed to help. That was a big fail. Instead my bladder ruptured. I’m not a huge fan of the urologist that did that procedure. I’m reluctant to see someone new because I’m worried they will want to do their own cystoscopy to have a look for themselves. That WILL NOT happen. No thank you. Keep your cameras out of my urethra please.

It’s hard to function sometimes when you have chronic pain. I have a high pain tolerance. When it’s chronic and frequent there are times it just pulls you down into a deep depression. Oh by the way, I have depression as well. Neat! This is fun, can you tell?

One of the things that gives me comfort with Endometriosis is that if it’s bad enough a hysterectomy is an option. I by no means want this, but there is a permanent option. I like options. Or it will get better once I hit menopause.

With IC, there isn’t a cure. You can take some meds that may or may not help, then having your bladder removed and having a permanent pee bag. So really there is the option of meds that kind of don’t do a thing. Why are bladders so essential? Crap! I would like to order a new one. Come on medical advancements!

They say there are some other things that could help to alleviate some of the IC symptoms such as; biofeedback, hypnosis, bladder training, talk therapy, physical therapy (this consists of a PT sticking their hand up your vagina and working your pelvic floor), I’ve tried all of these. Oh and acupuncture. I may be forgetting something. I’m extremely tired but can’t sleep because I feel like there is an elephant standing on my bladder and I have to pee. (I’m on the toilet as we speak). Yeah that’s gross. But it’s my life right now. I want to pee so badly. Nothing will come out. I want the relief.

Ugh! I am so frustrated. I feel like this is never going to get better. I don’t want to do this for the next 50 some years. I don’t wish this on anyone. I have some good days. I think I probably take the good ones for granted. Sometimes this is such a lonely condition to deal with. From the outside I look healthy, happy, normal. That’s the thing with a lot of people with mental health issues and a lot of medical conditions. We don’t offer our support and/or sympathy because someone doesn’t look sick. I think it’s hard for people to understand. I find this odd, since so many medical illnesses don’t make people look ill.

I would give up a lot of things and empty my bank account right this second if I could pee. I might even offer up my favorite cat, Toggle to the pee gods if they let me pee. I’ve been praying to God to let me pee. Seems like a silly prayer possibly. I don’t. This is one of my bad days. When it’s bad it’s REALLY bad, not just physically but emotionally. I am so sad and really irritable because I feel so crappy. Then it’s easier for me to snap and be snippy with my loved ones. That brings on the guilt. Oh the cycle.

I wish and pray for my own health and the health of others. I wish the IC, Endometriosis and Depression weren’t so isolating and lonely. I wish it wasn’t taboo to talk about real struggles. Life is great, but let’s be honest it is definitely less than great as well. We only seem to want to hear about the good, easy times with others. That’s just not life. It’s the good and the bad. Even if the bad makes people uncomfortable, it doesn’t make it any less real. Ignoring it just leaves it feeling that much more alone.

So along with a potty trained toddler for Christmas, I would like a new bladder. Top of the line quality bladder please. My lady bits to stop being angry, calm down and do your job without making me feel like I’m being stabbed constantly. Is that too much to ask? I think not. If it’s not under the tree, I will be checking my stocking……annnnddddd I’m spent. Hope everyone is getting some good sleep and have healthy bladders.

All I Want for Christmas is You……..to be Potty Trained

I have plenty of stuff. What I really want is for my daughter to be potty trained. She’s 2 1/4, people say I shouldn’t worry because she won’t be going to college in a diaper. I’m not convinced that these people are correct. I feel like it’s NEVER going to happen. Please oh please let it happen. And soon.

We started potty training about a year ago. She wasn’t quite 18 months. I thought potty training would be easy and that my kid would be so amazing and my parenting would be so amazing that she would be all done with diapers well before 2. As we are all learning, our kids have their own opinions and we aren’t really in charge.

We have a kids potty. We have a tiny toilet seat that can be put over the toilet to make it easier for her to learn. We have a potty book that has fun sounds and songs. It’s not happening. I don’t think it’s because my child can’t learn, I think she won’t. She knows when she has to go and sometimes tells us. When I ask her to use the potty she refuses. Or if she does want to use it, it’s not to actually go. She likes to flush it. She also likes to try and wipe when mommy and daddy are using the potty. Pretty invasive if you ask me.

(PC: The Meta Picture: if this doesn’t happen soon,

I will have a nervous breakdown)

I hate diapers. I’m over them. They are super expensive. Cloth grosses me out. Our little love is so funny when it comes to her choice of diapers. She likes the diapers that have Minnie Mouse on them or Doc McStuffins. If we run out of those it is an all out battle, complete with a terrible two style meltdown. Oh, did I mention that she can change her own diaper and uses the wipes correctly? Yeah…so if it’s just a potty we have her change them since she can. We hoped this would make her bored of changing her own diapers. It did not.

She wastes so many diapers. Even if there is nothing in it, when she toots she says; “it’s a poopie” and changes her diaper destroying the perfectly good one in the process. Or she will take off the diaper and refuse to put another one on. She did this over the weekend and peed on the stairs and on the 2nd floor. Then she had the nerve to ask “what happened?” What do you mean what happened? You peed on the floor. Because you refused to wear a diaper. And refused to go to the bathroom. And I had to clean it up. And you STILL didn’t put on a diaper or underwear. Good grief! This child will be the death of me!

(PC:The Berry; is it too early for bed?)

So yes, for Christmas I would greatly appreciate a completely potty trained toddler. I don’t know how to register for this. I’ve been good this year so maybe Santa has gotten this for me. And if he doesn’t we are now bribing our child to use the potty. A dime for a potty or a small treat, a quarter for a poopie or a couple of small treats and a quarter for each nap. This kid could make a killing by being potty trained and napping. She did take a nap today so she earned a quarter. Not a cent more…..maybe tomorrow she will need a lot of change.

September is Interstitial Cystitis Awareness Month

I just found out that it’s Interstitial Cystitis (IC) awareness month yesterday. We are rapidly approaching the end of the month, but I wanted to write about it. If you remember my posts from early May, I was having a cystoscopy and there was a complication where my bladder ruptured. I was in pain, pissed off and completely miserable.

I think in one of my posts I said that they ruled out IC. Since that time, I was officially diagnosed with IC. There is no cure for this disease, but there are some medications and treatments to help alleviate the symptoms. To read a better overview of the symptoms or more information about this disease please click here.

This condition is debilitating at times. I’ve missed more work this year than I ever had before. Basically the majority of the time I feel like I have a raging UTI (urinary tract infection). If you’ve ever had one, you know how awful they are. I feel like I have an infection whenever I get stressed (I work at a jail and have a toddler, so I’m stressed a lot), have sex, travel, eat the wrong thing, breath the wrong way apparently. It makes my life kind of sucky sometimes.

(Photo Credit: The Berry)

I think it’s a hard condition to deal with since from an outside perspective I look normal and healthy. On an average day I pee 30-50 times. On my worst days, it’s more like 80-100. My best days it’s normally around 20. I like the days when it’s around 20. I pee my pants on the regular. My pee is everywhere. I don’t have control. It’s happened more than once that I’ve peed my pants at work. Makes me feel really special and sexy. I mean, how could it not?

My sleep is terrible. I have to drug myself to sleep at night. I can’t have the good stuff because if my child wakes up I need to be there. I take Benadryl every night. I just want to pass out and sleep the whole night through without having to get up to pee. I can’t remember the last time I sleep a whole night. For the first 4 hours before I finally fall asleep, I average getting up at least 7-10 times. It’s annoying. I also get resentful because my husband is fast asleep without a care in the world. Rude.

I hardly ever feel like I have relief  when I do pee. When I feel like there is an infection I want to hold my crotch and lay in bed all day. Can’t really do that in public, or with a small child. I feel that I have the right to complain about it. Sometimes, you just accept that this is part of my life. Other times I get very upset and feel like it’s beyond unfair. I think my bladder has it’s own personality and is plotting to kill me. We are not friends. If I could live without my bladder and didn’t have a pee bag I would do it. Some days I think having a pee bag would be better than feeling this way all the time.

I also have Endometriosis. Yep, I hit the jackpot with my lady bits. I know many people have worse things going on in their lives. This is my reality and it sucks. I hate it. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Maybe on my worst enemy, but that’s just mean. Chronic pain sucks. It’s a lonely journey because like I said, from the outside I look normal and healthy. Since this disease is mainly diagnosed in women, I think it’s extremely difficult for men to understand. My husband has been a champ and supports me.

At times people tell me to smile and be happy that “things aren’t worse.” That is completely invalidating. And ignorant. And just stupid. To you, I say “eff off.” All I can say right now is that science better hurry up and make me a bionic bladder so I can live my life in peace. Please. Pretty pretty pretty please.

(PC: the berry)

Toddler Troubles Trump Mama Struggles

The past several weeks have been quite eventful for our little family. With my unexpected surgery and our basement flooding, we were kind of hoping things would start to calm down. Things didn’t turn out quite that way.

I ended up in the ER on Sunday for a UTI from the catheter. Yay, that’s totally what I needed. Nothing like peeing 70 times in a day with no relief to make you feel just great… I got antibiotics so that was good. We also got some of the extra stuff we’ve had in the basement sent off to be donated. De-cluttering was greatly needed. I got to sit and tell my husband what stayed and what could be donated, he did the heavy lifting.

The basement still smells like cat pee, which is also terrific. My husband bought our house 7 or 8 years ago and it was a foreclosure. Apparently, the previous owners had cats in the basement that peed everywhere and painted over the cement. Basement flooding = the covered scent’s release to our basement and air vents. For a few days our entire house smelled like cat pee. I love all our cats, but cat pee is quite possibly the worst smell in the world!

Anyway, we put our daughter to bed around 7 and it wasn’t a struggle. We thought this was good that we could finally relax. About 10 minutes later my daughter is crying. I thought she wanted another goodbye hug, she’s been very clingy lately. I go to her room and she is covered head to toe in vomit.

Yay! This is just what I wanted to deal with. I stripped her down, stripped the bed and plopped her in the bath. Not the last bath of the night. Poor girl caught some bug and was throwing up all night long. I don’t know how other moms handle vomit, but there were chunks in her hair. A lot of them. I put on gloves to scrub her down trying to keep my stomach calm.

She ended up puking on 2 sets of her sheets, 4 towels, 4 blankets, 3 pairs of PJ’s, several stuffed animals, and into my hands on at least 4 occasions. This was not a fun night.

What I realized was even though I am still healing and sick my brain seemed to tune that out while I was trying to take care of her. Mom mode took over and I did what had to be done, as I’m sure most moms do. While still unpleasant, my job and privilege is try to ease the suffering of my child. This is the first time she has thrown up all night. I’m grateful that even with my struggles I am able to care for my daughter and that I have such an amazing husband who is willing to help out and sleep with our daughter on the floor.

I attempted to return to work this week, 11 days after the bladder rupture. Too soon. Just too soon. So I get to tend to this tiny tot who now has a running nose and is pretty whiny. I am still recovering. I feel significantly better, could be due to my mother forcing healthy food down my throat. I will try to return to work next week. All these issues will soon be forgotten and I’ll forget how hard it all can be sometimes….until the next time disaster strikes.