Tag Archives: Puke Problems

Some Say I’m a Dainty Puker

Well, isn’t that just about the sweetest compliment one can get? My mom picked me up so I can sleep at her house as she will be driving me to the surgeon’s office tomorrow morning. This is the long-awaited appointment to possibly be cleared to drive and no longer have to wear my neck prison.

Right before she got to my house I was throwing up in a garbage bag. It was the closest thing to me and I did not feel like moving far enough to puke in a decent place. I would have thrown up on my cat if need me. I don’t care at this point.

PC: treatcurefast.com
My life, but more delicate, not that Niagara Falls shit that lady is doing. She clearly is making quite a large mess

Anyway, we went to the store to grab some stuff, on the way back to the car I stopped walking and just started throwing up in the parking lot. My mom patiently waited for me to finish and then handed me a tissue, because she is still a mom that is always prepared for anything.

She got me a sprite, we drive down to the house that my mom, dad, and sometimes me have been renovating. We chatted on the drive, I was doing fine. Once we get to the house I start throwing up in the bushes. A decent amount came out, considering I have almost nothing in my stomach. I wipe my mouth and look around the house to see how it’s coming along.

We then began our short drive to my parents’ house. I held up a Lowe’s bag thinking I might have to throw up again. False alarm. My mom looks at me and says; “you’re so dainty when you throw up. You just kind of dribble it out.” That wasn’t the exact quote but I can’t figure out how to put her facial expression and hand motions into words. She went on to talk about how when I was in the hospital, I would just politely throw up into my puke bag and then continue resuming my conversations.

I loathe throwing up. I do not feel the need to make the gross puking sounds. I feel like that’s more of a man thing. Being very loud and dramatic so we know how sick and vulnerable they are (sarcasm is thick here). I’ve heard this before actually. I’ve been called a delicate, elegant, quiet, gentle puker. I think I should take pride in that? Maybe? Can delicate puking be placed on my resume under additional skills and qualifications? I’m kind of serious about that?

PC: Google Image Search for Pain
I’m still in so much neck pain, my hip aches.

Now onto my hip. I think this is related to the puke. My right hip has started to ache when going up and down stairs. Dahmer’s bones are getting up there in age. Maybe his arthritic hip is attaching itself to my bone. He’s kind of a dick like that. I also think that he may be responsible for my puking. Remember, I’m a vegetarian. He was a cannibal. I think he wants anything that isn’t human flesh thrown immediately out of my body and that’s why I’m feeling so sick. There are absolutely no other solutions for these 2 issues. I’ve solved the puzzle, but I haven’t found the solution. If you all think I’m going to become a zombie in training, you are sadly mistaken.

I’ve just spent a solid 30 minutes trying to find a pic of Jeffery Dahmer on the internet to post here and none of them would let me. Pull it together google and WordPress. So, just google him yourself. Look at his face and tell me that if ghosts were real; that that creepy horrible man wouldn’t find his way back to resume his shenanigans. Because I think he would. He did find his first little loop-hole in the shape of a tiny iliac crest bone graft filler.

I need to figure out how my bones can put his hip parts back into their own little hip prison where they can’t try to take over my body. I’ll update on the restriction status tomorrow, unless I’m completely overtaken by Mr. Dhamer. He’s clever that one, but I’ll always be one step ahead. Hopefully………..

Sometimes You Struggle

Yes folks, today was another struggle. Instead of going into all the details, I talked about it on my Podcast, wrote a letter to myself and went for a walk with my mom.

I’m sick of this neck brace. I’m sick of not getting to pick up my daughter. I’m sick of not being able to drive. I’m sick of the next pain still. I’m sick of my brain being in a constant stage of confusion.

All you divorced folks out there, do you have specific schedules? We have a 5-2-2-5 Schedule. So one of us gets Mondays and Tuesdays, the other gets Wednesdays and Thursdays and we alternate weekends. We have been doing great exchanging days for holidays, birthdays, random things coming up, whatever. He and I work really well as a team.

Since the surgery our parenting schedule had been all messed up. Since I can’t take care of her by herself my mom either stays at my place and brings my daughter with her, or she will take us down to my parents house for my weekends. While I’m delighted that I even get to see her, I don’t want to have a baby sitter to spend time with my kid. Although, I do think it’s crucial until I’m cleared for the weight restriction, because the goofball is hyper and wants me to do somersaults with her once my neck brace is gone. The main point though, is with the changes in the parenting schedule and the meds and being loopy, I am all jumbled in my head. I never know what day it is. Because I’d normally have her today so I think it’s Thursday, but it’s not. Then I thought it was Monday, but apparently that isn’t the case either. I’m all over the place and it really stresses me out.

I hate the head fog feeling. On the plus side, I wanted a donut today, a long john specifically with chocolate on top and angel cream in the middle. Yum.. Instead I ate a peach. Then made a pan of brownies and melted marshmallows on top. Yay me! I have no idea what 10lbs is, but that brownie pan felt heavy. I’m sure there is no way near 10lbs, but then what does that say about me? I am seriously out of shape and my baby arms can’t lift anything. No strong man competitions in my future.

Hope you all got brownies, marshmallows, or brownies with marshmallows on this summer evening. And thank those that help you when you need it, even if you have too much pride to ask for it. Words can’t express my gratitude to my mother. She is most definitely overbearing and annoys me easily, but I love her to death and am forever grateful that she has taken care of me, even though she has a ton to deal with on her plate. I do love you mom, even when I’m a raging bitch I love you. You still are not a Dr. though so stop with the medical advice. Love ya!

Night everyone. XOXO

Divorce with Dignity part 1

Divorce doesn’t have to be ugly. Please continue reading. I’ve gotten more than my fair share of unsolicited advice that wasn’t helpful and wasn’t wanted. Divorce doesn’t have to look like it’s portrayed on social media. It doesn’t have to be miserable. That’s such a misconception. I know a lot of people, even some of my dearest friends who have had ugly, painful, and exhausting divorces. I’m lucky in that regard.

The main reason we separated was because of poor communication. We had become strangers that just so happened to be married and had a child together. It was lonely. The specific incidence that led to use being done was a painful experience, we both stopped trying. The specifics of the final breaking point won’t be revealed here. It’s complicated and I will not post about that here. Sorry, but that’s between him and me. I never want to do something publicly that I couldn’t take back. The internet never forgets and I don’t want something I say out of hurt or anger to be out there forever, because I would hate if he did that to me.

Ultimately, our relationship was slowly sinking and we didn’t pay enough attention to try to work it out. So when a major fight happened, I think we were both relieved it was a big enough of a reason to finally call it quits. If that wouldn’t have happened we would probably remain married for the next 40-50 years. We would be in the same situation, both lonely, poor communication, and basically married to a total stranger. We stayed together for our daughter. We stayed together because it was comfortable. We stayed together because both of our parents are still together and there was a lot of pressure and expectations for our married. We had a lot of resentment towards one another, guess what doesn’t fix that? Lack of communication. We might have listened to one another, but we never actually heard what the other was saying. We both felt attacked and both felt defensive. It became this awful pattern.

There have been plenty of opinions, expectations, and pressure placed on both of us since we declared we were officially done. He and I actually get along so much better. We communicate better, like, significantly better. Several times, either one of us would ask the other if we were making the right choice splitting up. Each one of those conversations we both agreed that it was best to divorce. Because we get along so much better, people think we will get back together, or that we should make it work. Honestly, everyone needs to back off.

We have tried marriage therapy right after our daughter was born. We did give it the good ‘ol college try. Our relationship as romantic partners is beyond repair. We make AMAZING friends. I think since the pressure of our rocky marriage is no longer in the way, we are able to focus on our top priority, our daughter, and stopped resenting one another. We had a lot of anger towards one another, so much resentment. There are still a decent amount of people in our lives who don’t we are going through a divorce. I take pride in that because it shows that we are doing something right. An old therapist told me that our daughter doesn’t need married parents, she needs happy parents. That stuck with me. We are happy, we can do family stuff together and it’s not awkward at all.

Mini-me. She makes my world and recovery sweeter!

People give us their opinions all the freaking time. It is so frustrating. This has been like a 14 month process so far. Never once, has it gotten ugly. We’ve had a couple of fights here and there, but nothing like we have had while married and living in the same house. We would rather our daughter see us being able to being around each other, not being placed in the middle. Not being confused because mommy hates daddy and vice versa. Besides; what people see from an outside perspective don’t know all the little details that broke down our marriage. They don’t need to and we don’t have to justify or explain to anyone why it didn’t work out. It’s not their marriage, it’s not their divorce. So their opinions, frustrations, expectations, disappointments are on them. Not him. And most definitely not me.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not all sunshine and bunnies. It’s stressful. It’s heartbreaking. It’s scary. Neither one of us planned on ever getting a divorce. We didn’t plan on getting one some day. We have both hurt each other deeply. Both before, during, and after our marriage. In spite of it all, I couldn’t have gotten a better person to be my ex-husband/co-parent; whatever you want to call it. We are choosing how our divorce goes. We talk about it together. We work through issues together. It’s not easy at times, and there are a significant amount of tears.

From divorces I’ve seen and what you hear about other divorces, not to forget, social media and movies giving numerous examples of bitter, ugly, painful divorces; I didn’t know what to expect. He and I chose to do it our way. We chose and continue to choose to not just be civil, but get a long. When we start to bicker we focus on our daughter. At the end of the day, my feelings don’t really matter, neither do his. Our daughter’s feelings matter.

We were told that children of divorced parents who get along well, are statistically as happy and successful in their future compared to children growing up in a chaotic non-divorced home. They are also comparing that to married couples who get along. Remaining married to someone you resent and fight with all the time can be damaging for the kid(s). As long as we keep doing what we are going I think we will all be ok.

Right now, this is working very well for us. Our daughter is happy, healthy, and thriving. She is so loved and blessed to have extended family from both sides of the family near by to give her even more love. I’m proud of us. I’m thankful that we still work as a team. We weren’t working as a team while married, but we are figuring it out. There isn’t a manual for this. There is no one-size fits all divorce. We have found what is easiest for us and our daughter. We will continue to strive to continue to get along. We will adjust as our lives progress and there will be a lot of changes, probably a lot of curveballs along the way. I’m confident that we’ve got this. He’s a fantastic father and I’m proud to have him as my friend and co-parent. I will always be grateful to him. Also, our kid is by far the most beautiful creature on the planet and is so much fun. I hope others divorcing can find peace to get along or the ability to be civil with one another. Children are quite observant and watch everything we do, even when we think they aren’t.

Sorry so long, as always. I wanted to let others know that not all divorces have to be awful. Even when things aren’t easy and we’ve deeply hurt one another, you can get past it. It’s not an overnight thing. It can happen. I’m living proof. If I ever thought I’d be going through a divorce, I thoughts I’d be vindictive because he hurt me. While he did hurt me, I didn’t and still don’t want him hurting. He’s a great guy. I’m a great gal. We aren’t great together. Our divorce will be finalized sometime in August I believe. While this has been a long time coming, and even though we get along, it hurts. It’s sad. It’s painful and this was not a part of my long, specific detailed plan of how my life “should be.”

Once you’re able to get past the hurt caused by and to one another (if you can, some situations are significantly worse than others) focus on the important parts, your child(ren). If you remain married, be mindful of the child(ren). What they see is what they will expect to be treated that way or learn how to treat others that way. Respecting the other parent, whether you’re together or not, greatly impacts the future of your children’s future, self-esteem, school performance, ability to have healthy relationships with others, and a multitude of other things.

Co-Parenting at it’s finest. Our baby is almost 4!

Our daughter turns 4 this week. I can’t believe it. But we celebrated her birthday this past weekend and I wanted to show a pic of Her dad, M, and me. I’m sporting the new trend of sexy neck braces. Both sides of our families came, along with friends. It’s weird if you make it weird. He and I don’t make it weird and if we feel it gets that way with extended family we tell each other to ignore it because it isn’t our issue. Look at my sweet girls’ face. She is happy. See, I can have some positivity. But I have to throw in some complaints or I know you’ll just miss them. The pain in the back of my neck is being a little bitch again, but I took a walk today for much-needed exercise, and I threw up 4 times on my journey. So, that is something……XOXO

Apparently Anyone Can Be a Doctor

Yesterday was probably one of the top 15 worst days I’ve experienced in my entire life. The rollercoaster of recovery is frustrating. I showered, it had been a couple of days since I had. I did not smell like roses. I started with energy and was actually feeling pretty decent.

As the day went on, a sharp and throbbing pain in the back of my neck kept getting more intense. Ironically, I was working on paperwork for my lawsuit due to this accident. I was filling it out in a way where my neck was comfortable, supported and was awkwardly filling everything out. My mom called me in the middle of me working on that to check in on me. I got short with her because I told her I was in quite a bit of pain. She told me to call my doctor. I’m stubborn and hate calling anyone. We had a little baby fight and I told her I needed  to get off the phone because I was in fucking pain. That’s what I said to her.

Then, I started throwing up. The more I threw up the worse my pain became. The pain increasing led to me throwing up more. I was puking and ugly sobbing into the toilet. I rated my pain as a 7/10. That is super high for me. I finally caved in and called the Dr.’s office.

I was sobbing so hard it was difficult for them to understand me. Basically, I was told there wasn’t much they could do since I don’t do well with narcotics. I told them I wanted to die. I reassured them I wouldn’t do anything, but I was desperate for relief from the pain. I’m not going to lie, I really REALLY wished I was dead it felt so terrible. So maybe I was more like a 9 and I just need  to get over my pride of thinking I’m so tough. I whine and complain about pain, but I rarely cry over it.

I was desperate so I agreed to take Vicodin. You can’t call in narcotics to pharmacies you need an actual physical script. I can’t drive still, because I haven’t been cleared by the dr. and his office is about 35 minutes from my house. I called my future ex-husband. He didn’t answer. I called his office and asked if he was around and that it was urgent that I needed to speak with him. He wasn’t there, but his dad spoke to me on the phone and said that he would make sure he got approval to drive down there and pick the script up for me. Then the ex-hubby called and had heard from his dad, I filled him in I was sobbing and puking. He suggested I go to the ER as they can put something in my IV and get the pain addressed more quickly, since they still needed the script and wait for it to be filled at the pharmacy.

I didn’t know who to call. Everyone I know is working and I don’t have a large support system. I called my next door neighbor, who I’m friends with and she was conveniently about to pull onto our street. I was still sobbing and semi-hysterical and she said she would take me. So my sweet neighbor/friend took me to the closest ER.

We get to the ER I’m throwing up into a bucket. Nothing but bile as I had nothing left in my system. I was puking due to the pain. The Dr. came in and was very dismissive. I told him that I had ACDF surgery 3 weeks and I day ago. The “A” stands for anterior. If I had a PCDF the “P” would be posterior. This is stuff you learn in basic medical terminology classes. Anterior is the front, posterior is the back. This jackass looked at the back of my neck. Asked me where my incision was. This condescending douche was pissing me off. I was crying, he saw my puke bucket. I told him that I had recently taken the Valium and Flexiril that had been prescribed because I do poorly with narcotics.

He reported that I couldn’t take NSAID’S due to the surgery I had. My surgeon told me I can’t take any for at least 1 year post surgery. So Advil, ibuprofen are out of the question because anti-inflammatory’s can interfere with the fusion actually fusing. I’d like to reiterate that the Dr. in the ER even stated that I can’t take them.

Everyone following so far? So he then tells me that he can give me Valium, I told him I had recently taken that and I don’t want that because I have it at home. That I am in so much pain I can’t stand it. He was very dismissive. I told the nurse I was frustrated because I didn’t feel like the Dr. was listening to me and I was in a lot of pain and needed help. I told them I get very ill when I take opiates.

After 1 1/2 hours of my crying and puking, someone comes in with meds. At least 90 minutes after seeing someone sobbing, puking and it was obvious that I just had major surgery. I was wearing the neck brace. I’m impatiently waiting. They gave me Valium, already have that shit in my system, Zofran (anti-nausea), and the Toradol. I asked what Toradol was and what it was for. The nurse said the Dr. suggested and approved this medication. It is a non-narcotic medication that can allegedly help with muscle spasms. This mother-effer who said I can’t have NSAID’s prescribed me a NSAID. Are you messing with me right now? I asked why I was given it and he kind of backpedaled and didn’t really say much. I was livid. Then after I was already injected with the Valium they had me sign the consent to treat form. I know it’s just semantics right now, but aren’t you not supposed to sign any type of documentation for 24 hours after you’ve last taken a narcotic, muscle relaxer or a benzo? Pissed me off.

Then the Vicodin script that was given to me, my ex tried to get it filled for me. 2 pharmacies didn’t carry it at all and the third said to fill the script they needed insurance authorization. So when I said the other day that it could go fuck itself. I should have saved that for yesterday. I was discharged with little pain relief. My neighbor drove me home. She was so sweet, I was crying and feeling awful.

Then one of my best friends, Tanya, came over. We normally do our podcast together on Thursday nights. She just came to love me, take care of me and watch a movie with me. She’s amazing. So, basically almost the entire time she was at my house, I was puking on and off. There was a point that I was sitting across from her on my bed and was puking in my little puke bucket. She made me laugh mid-puke and it splattered on her hand. We laughed, but that is some serious friendship right there. So Tanya, I love you anyway, but so much for just being with me when I needed someone.

I puked several times through the night and several times today. Not the most fun I’ve ever had in my life. Called my Dr.’s office again to speak with the surgeon, because while everything else feels better my neck feels awful, even with how I feel right as I’m typing this. And this is with Vicodin and Valium in my system. Waiting to hear back, we’ve talked on the phone several times in the past few days. I just hope I didn’t mess up the fusion somehow. This is awful. And I was starting to have some good moments, and good days.

I’ll update you when I find out what is wrong, if anything is actually wrong, or if pain is normal. ER Dr.’s are not always very good, more often than not, I’ve found some pretty crappy ones. My surgeon is awesome but out of town. I hurt. I have the best of friends. I have the best neighbors and friends. I have amazing in-laws that help me out even though their son and I are divorcing.

Also, I felt bad pursuing a lawsuit initially, I don’t want the lady to be stressed out. But after yesterday I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. I am in hell. I want to rip my spine out. I want my life back. I want to be me. I want to be free. I want my sense of humor back. I want so many things. So many of those things were taken from me because a careless driver slammed into me at a red light where the car in front of me and myself were at a full stop and had been so for a few/several seconds.

Wishing everyone great friends to help them through the difficult times, the ability to ask for help (you aren’t weak for asking), pain free necks and Dr.’s that aren’t completely useless. XOXO

10 Worst Parts Of ACDF Surgery…So Far

It’s obvious that any major surgery is going to be a bitch, but so far this recovery is more difficult than I expected. Usually, I can complain about it, but handle it. I don’t feel like I’m doing so hot. I have been going for short walks every day, which is supposed to be great for recovery.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Slight pain in my neck and that was it. I’m so lethargic and wait around until my mom can help me with basic tasks. If I drop something on the floor, I just wish it well as there is a good chance I won’t be picking it up in the near future. Here are the 10 things that I am struggling with the most:

1. Brain Fog

PC: consumerhealthdigest.com

When I have conversations with people, or even text them I don’t remember if it actually happened or if I made it up in my head. Especially with all the meds they gave me in the hospital I feel so out of it. I hate that feeling. It makes me sad and like I’m missing out on stuff. It’s like that crappy dream-like daze where you aren’t quite sure what is real or not.

2. Itchiness

PC: Google Image Search

Every. Freaking. Thing itches! Especially around the incision sites. I want to claw at them, but I’d probably end up with some horrific infection. In the hospital the opiates definitely made me itch. When I asked the nurses for Benadryl they acted like I was asking for a chest of diamonds. C’mon ladies, this is literally your job.

3. Pain

PC: Whisper App

In case I haven’t said this before; I can NOT take pain meds. I told the surgeon, the anesthesiologist and nurses that I get violently ill with any and all narcotics, but they think they know my body better than I do. They said I couldn’t do the surgery without pain meds. I have an extremely high pain tolerance. When I’m at a 6 or 7, that is someone’s 9 or 10. Anyway, the loaded me up with anti-nausea meds and the patch behind my ear. Someone told me that in 30 years of doing these surgeries he has only seen 5 people throw up after the surgery. I told him I would be the 6th, and he said he highly doubted that.

So, guess what happened? I threw up of course! Do you know how shitty that is after neck surgery? It’s the worst. So to manage pain I’m prescribed Flexeril and Valium to take the edge off. It helps me sleep, but also contributes to the brain fog. I’m not having many appealing options here.

4. Being Bored

PC: memions.com

Ok, so I know I was lying around a lot before the surgery due to pain. But this is SOOOOOO boring. I can’t do much. You don’t realize how much you look around and use your neck until you aren’t allowed to. I have to retrain my brain to move my torso and not my neck. I can’t look up or down. No BLT (Bending, Lifting, Twisting). I have to adjust myself a specific way to watch TV. Typing is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I just am right now. I exist but am definitely not living. Makes a good recipe for increased depression.

5. Constipation

PC: lethow.com

Ok, so this is going to be WAY TMI, but I had to suffer through it so you can read it. I’m also still a little loopy so I don’t care enough to be embarrassed, although when I’m put together again I may delete this part. For now, I have no shame in my game. I hadn’t pooped since the day before my surgery, (Tues. July 4th); I finally got it out yesterday, (Mon. July 10th). That is too long to go without letting that shit out, literally. HA!

I’ve been bloated from all the meds, fluids and being backed up making me look kind of pregnant. I was on the toilet (if you get grossed out last warning to avoid this nasty part!). So there I was, waiting for relief. Nothing happened for a while. I started to strain because I knew there would be a lot, it had been almost a week! I strained so hard I was worried I’d pop a blood vessel or pass out or something. Nothing. Not a damn thing.

I was sweating profusely trying to birth my butt baby, fully dilated but the pushing was no use. Well, my daughter leaves her trash all around the house and there was a lollipop stick. I was grossing myself out, but desperate to get relief. You can guess what I did next, ahhh sooo embarrassing, I tried to scoop out the hard as rock poop with the lollipop stick. You are absolutely allowed to be disgusted with me now, I am.

The stick didn’t work. Only got a bit out. There was an old photograph on the floor as well (I have another copy so don’t worry). And I ripped that into thin strips to continue the attempt to scoop out the poop. This is not my proudest moment. A very low point for me. After several attempts with the picture pieces it all started coming out! This was and is hands down the best shit of my life. I have no regrets…..

6. Trouble Swallowing

PC: understandingmyositis.org

They said this is a common side effect since they move your esophagus and trachea aside to get to your spine. It’s more of an annoying feeling, but I do get anxious when I really have to concentrate on it.

PC: Google Search
This is what they did to me.

7. Everything Takes FOREVER

PC: atomicbooks.com

I’m not even kidding. I can’t bend down to brush my teeth. I sit on a stool and have this little plastic tub thing that I hold just under my lip to spit into when I’m ready. Then, I take a sip of water to rinse out my mouth and spit into the tub again. Getting dressed is a pain. I’ve been wearing the same thing for 2 days now. I don’t even care. I am allowed to take off my neck brace to get dressed, but I have to be mindful not to move my neck when placing clothing over my head. Showering is dumb too. I’ve only showered twice since last Wed. I LOVE to shower every day. I don’t care at this time. I’m struggling with this recovery so I couldn’t care less about my personal hygiene.

8. Migraines

PC: domesticity.gawker.com

For anyone who suffers from migraines, I am so sorry for you. I never had them until my car accident in Sept. On top of the nausea, neck pain, hip irritation and general recovery; a migraine is the last thing I need. They gave me an injection in the hospital to help with them and it actually worked. I think it’s called Imitrex. Anyway, they sent in a script for this med. Guess what they did with it? I got vials of the medication and a bunch of needles. Never in my life have I injected a needle into my body. WTF? Are these people serious? Why would you send someone home with an injectable medication without informing the patient? They could have at least told me. And then they should have shown me how to do it. I get migraines every night and almost break down and take it, but I’m afraid I’ll do it wrong. I’m pretty frustrated with that part of it. People don’t think sometimes and I’m usually understanding of it, except when it impacts me directly.

9. Puking

PC: treatcurefast.com

I loathe throwing up. I have a super weak stomach. One of the major reasons I can’t do narcotics. So when I say no they give me multiple opiates. Makes sense. I said this earlier, but throwing up after neck surgery is a real bitch. I’ve been throwing up on and off while writing this post. I’m sure I moved my neck, how can I not? I have tears running down my face because of this misery and my lack of understanding while I’m still puking. I haven’t taken any pain meds since I was released from the hospital. I’ve even been taking my Zofran (anti-nausea med) regularly. Yuck! I don’t have a big appetite either, so I don’t understand what my body is trying to get rid of. Maybe my serial killer hip ghost?

10. Not Being Able to Snuggle my Buggle

Favorite part of my life

This one is not the least important because it’s last, it’s the one that breaks my heart. I did get to have her come spend some time with me today and she was pretty good about being gentle with me. She wants to touch my hip and neck and continues to ask me to open the scars to show her the screws and my bone. I love every moment with her, but get frustrated when she’s being super wild and it hurts me. I know she doesn’t intend to hurt me, she just doesn’t understand completely. Then I feel awful for snapping at her or hurting her feelings in any way. I’m worried I’m going to scar her for life, because I’m in so much pain and I can’t pick her up or do things for her that a mom should do.

She has been helpful about getting me some stuff though. I asked her to get me an ice cream sandwich, it’s one of the few things I feel like eating. So she goes and gets one. I thank her and she says, “this is for me, silly.” Really? So rude. My mom got me one, but what the hell kid? She’s definitely my daughter. I won’t get to spend the night with her alone for a month, possibly longer if I’m not healing very well. Once the neck brace comes off I still have the weight restriction. We shall see.

Today sucked. I’m itchy and nauseous. I’m sweating and have a migraine. I can taste the puke in my mouth and my cat licked my ice cream sandwich just now. I’m going to retire for the evening. TaTa for now!