Tag Archives: Serial Killers

Some Say I’m a Dainty Puker

Well, isn’t that just about the sweetest compliment one can get? My mom picked me up so I can sleep at her house as she will be driving me to the surgeon’s office tomorrow morning. This is the long-awaited appointment to possibly be cleared to drive and no longer have to wear my neck prison.

Right before she got to my house I was throwing up in a garbage bag. It was the closest thing to me and I did not feel like moving far enough to puke in a decent place. I would have thrown up on my cat if need me. I don’t care at this point.

PC: treatcurefast.com
My life, but more delicate, not that Niagara Falls shit that lady is doing. She clearly is making quite a large mess

Anyway, we went to the store to grab some stuff, on the way back to the car I stopped walking and just started throwing up in the parking lot. My mom patiently waited for me to finish and then handed me a tissue, because she is still a mom that is always prepared for anything.

She got me a sprite, we drive down to the house that my mom, dad, and sometimes me have been renovating. We chatted on the drive, I was doing fine. Once we get to the house I start throwing up in the bushes. A decent amount came out, considering I have almost nothing in my stomach. I wipe my mouth and look around the house to see how it’s coming along.

We then began our short drive to my parents’ house. I held up a Lowe’s bag thinking I might have to throw up again. False alarm. My mom looks at me and says; “you’re so dainty when you throw up. You just kind of dribble it out.” That wasn’t the exact quote but I can’t figure out how to put her facial expression and hand motions into words. She went on to talk about how when I was in the hospital, I would just politely throw up into my puke bag and then continue resuming my conversations.

I loathe throwing up. I do not feel the need to make the gross puking sounds. I feel like that’s more of a man thing. Being very loud and dramatic so we know how sick and vulnerable they are (sarcasm is thick here). I’ve heard this before actually. I’ve been called a delicate, elegant, quiet, gentle puker. I think I should take pride in that? Maybe? Can delicate puking be placed on my resume under additional skills and qualifications? I’m kind of serious about that?

PC: Google Image Search for Pain
I’m still in so much neck pain, my hip aches.

Now onto my hip. I think this is related to the puke. My right hip has started to ache when going up and down stairs. Dahmer’s bones are getting up there in age. Maybe his arthritic hip is attaching itself to my bone. He’s kind of a dick like that. I also think that he may be responsible for my puking. Remember, I’m a vegetarian. He was a cannibal. I think he wants anything that isn’t human flesh thrown immediately out of my body and that’s why I’m feeling so sick. There are absolutely no other solutions for these 2 issues. I’ve solved the puzzle, but I haven’t found the solution. If you all think I’m going to become a zombie in training, you are sadly mistaken.

I’ve just spent a solid 30 minutes trying to find a pic of Jeffery Dahmer on the internet to post here and none of them would let me. Pull it together google and WordPress. So, just google him yourself. Look at his face and tell me that if ghosts were real; that that creepy horrible man wouldn’t find his way back to resume his shenanigans. Because I think he would. He did find his first little loop-hole in the shape of a tiny iliac crest bone graft filler.

I need to figure out how my bones can put his hip parts back into their own little hip prison where they can’t try to take over my body. I’ll update on the restriction status tomorrow, unless I’m completely overtaken by Mr. Dhamer. He’s clever that one, but I’ll always be one step ahead. Hopefully………..