Yesterday was probably one of the top 15 worst days I’ve experienced in my entire life. The rollercoaster of recovery is frustrating. I showered, it had been a couple of days since I had. I did not smell like roses. I started with energy and was actually feeling pretty decent.
As the day went on, a sharp and throbbing pain in the back of my neck kept getting more intense. Ironically, I was working on paperwork for my lawsuit due to this accident. I was filling it out in a way where my neck was comfortable, supported and was awkwardly filling everything out. My mom called me in the middle of me working on that to check in on me. I got short with her because I told her I was in quite a bit of pain. She told me to call my doctor. I’m stubborn and hate calling anyone. We had a little baby fight and I told her I needed to get off the phone because I was in fucking pain. That’s what I said to her.
Then, I started throwing up. The more I threw up the worse my pain became. The pain increasing led to me throwing up more. I was puking and ugly sobbing into the toilet. I rated my pain as a 7/10. That is super high for me. I finally caved in and called the Dr.’s office.
I was sobbing so hard it was difficult for them to understand me. Basically, I was told there wasn’t much they could do since I don’t do well with narcotics. I told them I wanted to die. I reassured them I wouldn’t do anything, but I was desperate for relief from the pain. I’m not going to lie, I really REALLY wished I was dead it felt so terrible. So maybe I was more like a 9 and I just need to get over my pride of thinking I’m so tough. I whine and complain about pain, but I rarely cry over it.
I was desperate so I agreed to take Vicodin. You can’t call in narcotics to pharmacies you need an actual physical script. I can’t drive still, because I haven’t been cleared by the dr. and his office is about 35 minutes from my house. I called my future ex-husband. He didn’t answer. I called his office and asked if he was around and that it was urgent that I needed to speak with him. He wasn’t there, but his dad spoke to me on the phone and said that he would make sure he got approval to drive down there and pick the script up for me. Then the ex-hubby called and had heard from his dad, I filled him in I was sobbing and puking. He suggested I go to the ER as they can put something in my IV and get the pain addressed more quickly, since they still needed the script and wait for it to be filled at the pharmacy.
I didn’t know who to call. Everyone I know is working and I don’t have a large support system. I called my next door neighbor, who I’m friends with and she was conveniently about to pull onto our street. I was still sobbing and semi-hysterical and she said she would take me. So my sweet neighbor/friend took me to the closest ER.
We get to the ER I’m throwing up into a bucket. Nothing but bile as I had nothing left in my system. I was puking due to the pain. The Dr. came in and was very dismissive. I told him that I had ACDF surgery 3 weeks and I day ago. The “A” stands for anterior. If I had a PCDF the “P” would be posterior. This is stuff you learn in basic medical terminology classes. Anterior is the front, posterior is the back. This jackass looked at the back of my neck. Asked me where my incision was. This condescending douche was pissing me off. I was crying, he saw my puke bucket. I told him that I had recently taken the Valium and Flexiril that had been prescribed because I do poorly with narcotics.
He reported that I couldn’t take NSAID’S due to the surgery I had. My surgeon told me I can’t take any for at least 1 year post surgery. So Advil, ibuprofen are out of the question because anti-inflammatory’s can interfere with the fusion actually fusing. I’d like to reiterate that the Dr. in the ER even stated that I can’t take them.
Everyone following so far? So he then tells me that he can give me Valium, I told him I had recently taken that and I don’t want that because I have it at home. That I am in so much pain I can’t stand it. He was very dismissive. I told the nurse I was frustrated because I didn’t feel like the Dr. was listening to me and I was in a lot of pain and needed help. I told them I get very ill when I take opiates.
After 1 1/2 hours of my crying and puking, someone comes in with meds. At least 90 minutes after seeing someone sobbing, puking and it was obvious that I just had major surgery. I was wearing the neck brace. I’m impatiently waiting. They gave me Valium, already have that shit in my system, Zofran (anti-nausea), and the Toradol. I asked what Toradol was and what it was for. The nurse said the Dr. suggested and approved this medication. It is a non-narcotic medication that can allegedly help with muscle spasms. This mother-effer who said I can’t have NSAID’s prescribed me a NSAID. Are you messing with me right now? I asked why I was given it and he kind of backpedaled and didn’t really say much. I was livid. Then after I was already injected with the Valium they had me sign the consent to treat form. I know it’s just semantics right now, but aren’t you not supposed to sign any type of documentation for 24 hours after you’ve last taken a narcotic, muscle relaxer or a benzo? Pissed me off.
Then the Vicodin script that was given to me, my ex tried to get it filled for me. 2 pharmacies didn’t carry it at all and the third said to fill the script they needed insurance authorization. So when I said the other day that it could go fuck itself. I should have saved that for yesterday. I was discharged with little pain relief. My neighbor drove me home. She was so sweet, I was crying and feeling awful.
Then one of my best friends, Tanya, came over. We normally do our podcast together on Thursday nights. She just came to love me, take care of me and watch a movie with me. She’s amazing. So, basically almost the entire time she was at my house, I was puking on and off. There was a point that I was sitting across from her on my bed and was puking in my little puke bucket. She made me laugh mid-puke and it splattered on her hand. We laughed, but that is some serious friendship right there. So Tanya, I love you anyway, but so much for just being with me when I needed someone.
I puked several times through the night and several times today. Not the most fun I’ve ever had in my life. Called my Dr.’s office again to speak with the surgeon, because while everything else feels better my neck feels awful, even with how I feel right as I’m typing this. And this is with Vicodin and Valium in my system. Waiting to hear back, we’ve talked on the phone several times in the past few days. I just hope I didn’t mess up the fusion somehow. This is awful. And I was starting to have some good moments, and good days.
I’ll update you when I find out what is wrong, if anything is actually wrong, or if pain is normal. ER Dr.’s are not always very good, more often than not, I’ve found some pretty crappy ones. My surgeon is awesome but out of town. I hurt. I have the best of friends. I have the best neighbors and friends. I have amazing in-laws that help me out even though their son and I are divorcing.
Also, I felt bad pursuing a lawsuit initially, I don’t want the lady to be stressed out. But after yesterday I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. I am in hell. I want to rip my spine out. I want my life back. I want to be me. I want to be free. I want my sense of humor back. I want so many things. So many of those things were taken from me because a careless driver slammed into me at a red light where the car in front of me and myself were at a full stop and had been so for a few/several seconds.
Wishing everyone great friends to help them through the difficult times, the ability to ask for help (you aren’t weak for asking), pain free necks and Dr.’s that aren’t completely useless. XOXO